Oh if I could describe it in words I could. Pictures dont even do it justice. And it wasn’t only the city, but the people i was with. The energy. The warmth, the vibe. My oldest friend Nosizwe. The only friend who truly liberates me, reaches inside my soul and reveals my truth. That explosive Amy who believed in everything, in herself, in the world, who slowly over time became corrupted by society and all the disappointments and expectations. Who lost faith. Its always been there. And I’m slowly finding it again.
Singing in the streets, taking over the dance floors. Nosizwe attracts love and vibrancy. Together we create magic. And now she has given the world a gift of a child. A warrior, Aaella.
I feel so calm, free.
Cautiously happy. But not cautious. Wondering, should I be cautious?
Communitcaing with love on an entirely new level. The love I have inside for me, and for others.
I have love scattered all over Germany, London, and now Norway. I need to see more, meet more, feel more. There is so much. This is what it is all about people. This is why I came here. Not to live some structured planned-out life thats fits into a box. Not to control my destiny, but rather to live it. Let it be. Let it unfold organically. I choose to not live the life my conditioning tells me I ‘should’ live. Screw the ‘shoulds’
This post takes emo to an entirely new level. But i dont care! Your opinion of me is none of my business anyway.
Recent life happenings have spurred on some great eiphany’s folks! These are the joys of change and suffering. They bring about these rays of shiny bright perspective.
My most recent one has been, that although when we part ways with some people in our lives, through death, or love, or circumstance, we dont ever really lose that person. As we never owned them in the first place. We never owned them. This. Was. Huge. For me.
I dont own anyone. Well of course I dont! Heavens above Amy. But really, the loss I feel is just a consequence of reality. All people that have had a great impact on my life, exist in my heart and in my soul. They are never lost.
Kinda defeats that song by The Temper Trap, right?
‘Our love was lost, and now we’ve found iiiit’ – it was never lost you fool!
pic. deviantart. http://bit.ly/qVhJPs
NOT lost her. NOT
One of the few sentimental belongings I kept when I left Cape Town was an excerpt from a book called ‘Eternal Echoes’ by John O’ Donoghue that my good friend Alex hand-wrote and left in my post box many, many years ago when I was going through something, unpleasant. I brought it with me when I moved to London, and while I was cleaning my room today I came across it. Its truely beautiful. I’m not going to write it all out – but I will share ‘A Blessing’.
“May you be blessed in the holy names of those who carry our pain up the mountain of transformation.
May you know tender healing and shelter when you are called to stand in the place of pain.
May the places of darkness within you be surprised by light.
May you be granted the wisdom to avoid false resistance and when suffering knocks at the door of your life you may be able to glimpse its hidden gift.
May you be able to see the fruits of suffering. May memory bless and shelter you with the hard-earned trust of past travail, may this give you confidence and trust.
May a window of light always surprise you.
May the grace of transfiguration heal your wounds.
May you know that even though the storm might rage, not a hair of your head will be harmed.”
Thank you my plantil. I love you.
My light, its there. Here.
Ideally I would like to live my life by these four codes. I’m not so good at not taking things personally or at not making assumptions. But, I do always do my best.
Be impeccable with your word – Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
Don’t take anything personally – Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
Don’t make assumptions – Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
Always do your best – Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
Read the book: The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz
Bought this drawing at a gallery in Berlin.
It holds a dream that was.
You, me, on top of (or perhaps crushing?) the world.
What do I do with it now?